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My Oneness Process:
An End to
Personal Suffering,
the Dawn of Causeless Joy
By Rev. Dr. Michael
Milner
I
have been on the Spiritual Path for more
than 35 years, and now, my life is VERY
sweet. But for 15 years I SUFFERED!
During that time I lost almost
everything and everyone that mattered to
me. The hardest part was the destruction
of my ideas about my “self” and about
the Divine. I believed that I was a
saintly enlightened being, serving God
and others with unselfish, unconditional
love. For years I had been filled with
the Divine Light, and I had no idea
there was so much “selfishness”
remaining, so many assumptions. Then, 15
years ago, the Light was eclipsed, I was
plunged into the Dark Night and I saw
the naked truth about myself. It wasn’t
pretty.
This is my story: At age 17, I had a
mystical awakening. Time stopped, I
seemed to die, Light flooded my
consciousness, and in an instant, I saw
the past, present and future all at
once. I saw other worlds and passed into
the Light. It lasted for what seemed
like hundreds of years, and then
suddenly, to my surprise, I was back in
my body and time started again. I
retained only a small portion of what I
had seen and realized then that the
human brain and body in its present
state cannot contain the energy of Full
Awakening to Oneness.
A year later I became a direct disciple of
the
Chinese Taoist Grand Master & lineage
holder of Tao Ahn Pai (Taoist Elixir
Style) who
taught me Taoist Meditation and Internal
Alchemy. It raised my Kundalini to the
crown of my head and down the front of
the body to the base of the spine in a
feedback loop, like the Ouroboros, the
snake swallowing its tail. It felt like
a million volts went through me, the
world dissolved, and I held the universe
in my hands as a Golden Ball of pure
energy. I could not sleep for 6 months.
All my senses were heightened. I could
hear things at a great distance. I began
to see auras and many other things. I
experienced reality as a constantly
changing sea of energy, and I learned to
heal with my energy. In meditation, I
passed out of my body and my thoughts.
Looking back, I saw that I was not my
body and I was not my thoughts. Looking
forward, I dissolved into the luminous
void, the ocean of pure consciousness. I
became a Taoist Priest and studied the
Internal Arts. But, the suffering “self”
remained.
Over the years, I did extensive
biofeedback training, yoga and
meditation and spent time with numerous
masters, mystics and shamans. I
experienced Samadhi many times. I was
initiated into the Tibetan Buddhist
Kagyu tradition by Kalu Rinpoche. When
Swami Muktananda gave me Shaktipat, my
breathing stopped, my heart chakra
exploded in brilliant light, and a voice
within me said that God had always been
within me as my True Self. I dissolved
into the Om and passed into Nirvikalpa
Samadhi. That was 35 years ago… After
that, I wandered thousands of miles as a
barefoot ascetic in a white robe,
celibate, vegan, and vowed to poverty. I
enjoyed a high state of consciousness,
but nevertheless the suffering “self”
still remained.
In 1978, I was taken up in the Spirit
and met Jesus Christ face to face. He
laid his hands on me and filled me with
His Divine Spirit. He called me to serve
Him and showed me wonderful things. I
became an ordained minister, taught in a
number of countries, healed the sick,
experienced many miracles and gifts of
the Spirit, founded churches and schools
of ministry and ordained numerous
ministers. Later, I became a Roman
Catholic Franciscan and eventually a
Free Catholic Franciscan Bishop. I am
the chairman and co-founder of the
International Free Catholic Communion, a
spiritual home for people who, for
various reasons, are alienated from
institutional religion and the
mainstream Church.
For 25 years, my passion has been
healing, teaching and guiding people on
the path of Spiritual Growth and
Contemplative Prayer (or Christian
Meditation). I have also continued to
teach Taoist Meditation and Qigong for
35 years.
My life was full of Light, Spiritual
Blessings and fulfillment. I never
dreamed of what was about to happen.
When I least expected it, my life began
to simply fall apart. Everything went
wrong. I was plunged into the Dark Night
of the Soul, and for 15 years I SUFFERED
as my ideas about myself and God were
shattered! For a number of years, I was
bitter. I raged and struggled. But,
gradually I learned to accept “what is”:
my own ugliness and suffering, to
embrace it and to simply rest in silence
and emptiness. I never expected the
suffering to come to an end, but at
least I began to be at peace with it in
the present moment.
Then the miracle of transformation
began! A friend of mine who was familiar
with the Oneness Movement and had
received Oneness Deeksha a number of
times came to my home in Clearwater,
Florida for a visit (It just happened to
be Sri Bhagavan’s birthday). He told me
about an Avatar in India who is able to
transfer the permanent state of
Awakening to Oneness through Oneness
Blessing (also known as Oneness
Deeksha), an intelligent energy which
produces a profound neurobiological
transformation in the brain. I said, “If
that’s true, there is no distance in the
Spirit, and a Divine Being like that has
no limitations. Let’s pray and ask this
Avatar to send us Oneness Deeksha right
now!” Although there was no initiated
Blessing Giver present, when my friend
invoked the Divine Presence by chanting
the moola mantra 3 times, instantly
Bhagavan and Amma sent their Grace. The
Divine Presence was poured out on us. I
was lifted into a divine state of
consciousness for 20 minutes or so and
then plunged into the depths of the
unconscious where I could feel the
Divine bringing to awareness and
beginning to heal the causes of my
suffering! I knew it was absolutely
unique the way the Oneness Deeksha
energy lifted me into a higher state and
then plunged me back into my base state,
as well as the very tangible effect on
my parietal lobes. It was just what I
needed. But I wanted to make sure that
what we had experienced was really
Oneness Deeksha. Since I couldn’t find
any Oneness Deeksha Givers in my area,
I contacted Sri Raniji. She let me know
that she would be in Florida in a few
weeks. I attended both of her workshops
and received Oneness Deeksha numerous
times. It was definitely the same
“Presence” we had experienced in my
living room. The unique quality of it
was unmistakable.
It’s not that this was some new Divine
Presence in my life. I had lived with
the awareness of the indwelling of God
for many years. What was unique was the
way the Oneness Deeksha Energy went to
work rewiring the brain, slowing down
the senses, de-clutching the mind and
deeply healing the unconscious.
In the weeks and months that followed
there were many miracles and visible
signs of the effects of Oneness Deeksha. Bhagavan began to visit me in
visions and speak to me in my heart.
With much love and an amazing sense of
humor he began to tell me that he
already knew me quite well, that he was
going to free me and Fully Awaken me to
Oneness, healing me deep within, and
that I would be coming to India. As I
continued to receive Oneness Deekshas
every week, bad habits and addictions
began to simply fall away. My parietal
lobes felt “fried” most of the time, but
that was fine, because annoying thoughts
and feelings couldn’t “stick” to me like
they used to. My “Process” had already
begun. A 12 minute Taoist breathing
exercise I have done for many years
every morning before meditation suddenly
began to take 25 minutes for the same
number of breaths. My breathing rate was
cut in half! There were so many changes!
Then, one day, the unthinkable happened.
During a Oneness Deeksha teleconference Raniji was teaching about “Suffering”. I
was ready to be plunged more deeply into
my own suffering, ready to embrace it
and experience it more fully. Then
Raniji sent Oneness Deeksha, and to my
utter astonishment, MY PERSONAL
SUFFERING DISAPPEARED! To this day it
has not returned. I can still hardly
believe it. It seems like a dream. I
feel the suffering of the world. I share
in that. But my personal suffering is
gone. There may be conflict or sickness
or some other annoyance, but even then I
feel causeless peace and joy. Those
painful memories, thoughts and aspects
of personality have simply lost their
“charge”. They just don’t cause
suffering any more, because the “person”
who suffered, the suffering “self”, is
no longer there.
I was so truly deeply happy (I mean VERY
VERY HAPPY!) before I ever left for the
21 Day Process that I didn’t really care
if nothing else happened while I was in
India. I was going to be initiated to
give Oneness Deeksha, clear more
unconscious debris, deepen my state and
meet Amma, Bhagavan and the enlightened
Guides (monks). I was already the
happiest man on earth! What more could I
possibly want? But it got even better.
The Guides, the Guides of the Oneness
University, are amazing, enlightened,
compassionate beings. Because they are
enlightened and filled with
unconditional love, they are the most
skilled and effective spiritual
directors I have ever encountered. I
felt truly safe, loved, accepted,
understood, protected and cared for in
their hands. I felt as if they were my
family, as if we had always known each
other. It was love at first sight! This
was the perfect place to let everything
go, to let go and let God.
Shortly after the Process began I had a
major insight. I realized that my whole
spiritual journey had been a long series
of “efforts” to “let go”, to “surrender
to Grace”. How completely absurd!
“Effort” is willful and ego driven, the
opposite of “surrender”. I realized that
it is not even in my power to surrender.
It requires Grace to surrender to Grace.
It requires Grace to even call on the
Divine Presence. Even that is a gift.
So, I just kicked back and relaxed and
enjoyed the ride. It is all up to the
Divine Presence. I knew that I was
absolutely HELPLESS! There was nothing I
could do to help the Process, but there
was also nothing I could do to hinder
it. There is no way to blow it, no way
to make a mistake. Everything is part of
the Process. The Divine is in complete
control. There are no choices, no free
will, just the will of the Divine.
I learned that my mind is not my mind.
My thoughts are not my thoughts. The
Mind is ancient. There is only one. It
is the same for everyone, but it does
not belong to us. You cannot change it
or enlighten it. Bhagavan says that when
it strikes you that no change is
possible then you are free. In the
Process I came to experience by the
Grace of God that the Mind can go on
being just what it is. I cannot
transform it, silence it or make it go
away. But by the grace of God, for I
cannot make this happen, but by the
Grace of God I experience the mind
“declutching”. So, while it goes on as
it is, I am not bothered by it, and I
come to rest in the Presence of God. I
call this Spiritual Awareness. The
“thought stream” keeps right on flowing
by (sometimes even through) me, but they
are not “my” thoughts. They don’t bother
me. Sometimes they just flow by.
Sometimes they fly through my head. But
they can’t stick, and I know they aren’t
mine. Ah…, the Peace, the profound
Silence! No matter what is happening:
noise, conflict, thoughts, chaos,
whatever… there is still Peace, there is
always Silence in the Divine Presence.
I also learned my body is not my body.
My body belongs to the Universe of which
it is made. It’s not mine, and it’s
really on automatic. When I was giving
Oneness Deeksha to someone after the
Process, I asked Amma and Bhagavan if it
was time to remove my hands from the
receiver’s head. They said “Go ahead and
try to move them.” I couldn’t move them
at all for the longest time. I just
laughed and laughed. It was completely
out of my control. Once before the
Process Bhagavan dissolved me in the
Divine Presence while I was stopped at a
traffic light. I couldn’t find my body
or the car. I said, “Bhagavan, the light
is going to change soon. I need my
body.” Just as the light turned green, I
was back in my body and it began to
drive the car quite well all by itself.
So then, who am I? The answer to that
one is really quite entertaining. As the
Oneness Deeksha energy slowed down my
senses, I saw that what I understood to
be my “self” was actually a parade of
non-contiguous personalities arising and
then vanishing into the Divine Presence.
The only permanent thing is the Divine
Presence itself. These personalities are
just images, bits of memory with an
emotional charge. As they lose their
charge, by the Grace of God, they are
really funny to watch as they arise and
disappear, one after another, sometimes
several at the same time. There is the
craving personality, the self-conscious
one, the shy one, the outgoing one, the
guilty one, the confident one, the
scheming one, etc. etc. In the space
between them and underlying them I
simply enjoy being absorbed in the
Divine Presence. When I am absorbed in
the Divine Presence there is no “self”!
One participant who experienced this
said that realizing there is no “self”
to be enlightened IS enlightenment.
Then, here’s the next question. If there
is no “self” to be enlightened, who is
watching the personalities arise and
dissolve? Who is the One that is aware
of and enjoying the Divine Presence if
there is no “self”? This was the really
big revelation for me, the high point of
my whole 21 Day Process! By sheer Grace
I experienced profoundly that it is the
Divine Presence in me experiencing
its-Self! The Divine Presence is
awakening in me, becoming aware of
its-Self in me, experiencing and
enjoying its-Self in me and in all
Creation! God is falling in love with
God in me! It’s the ultimate romance!
God and Man are two ends of the same
reality, two ends of the same
Experience. You could actually say that
there is no Experience-r or
Experience-d, only the Experiencing,
only Divine Awareness. At this point
there was a shift in my experience of
the Divine. I began to profoundly
experience God as my Father. My Father
and I are One. I am convinced that this
is what Christ Himself experienced!
Nothing exists outside of the Divine
Presence. God is all there is. Even
conflict and struggle is God. All is
God. God, God, God, God, God! That’s all
there is, all there was, and all there
will ever be!
Then there was the Oneness Deeksha
Givers initiation. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Maha Deeksha! Bliss, thunder and
lightning! This is what we came for! One
Being, many people. The Oneness Family!
I’m home! This simply must be
experienced. No words will suffice.
Thank you Amma Bhagavan!!! May Golden
Oneness Deeksha waves of the Divine
Presence sweep the world and make us all
One, make all hearts flower. OM Shanti
Shanti Shanti.
3 days after the 21 Day Process ended I
was fortunate to have a personal Darshan
with Amma. This was pure Grace since it
was Ganesh’s birthday and Amma was not
giving Darshan to any Westerners. As I
knelt touching her feet, to my surprise,
she smiled, looked into my eyes and
spoke freely, asking me where I was
from, about the 21 Day Process and how
long I would be staying in India. I
thanked her for everything she and
Bhagavan have done. I told her of my
desire to deepen, to give my life in
service, and of my vision to start a
Oneness Center in the US (Tampa Bay
area). I told her that I need her
blessing and financial grace in order to
do so. She said “Yes. Yes.” and gave me
her blessing. Then, to my utter
astonishment, because I didn’t ask for
it, Amma added “I am giving you the
Power. From this day forward, I will
always be with you and my Power will
flow through you...” After the Darshan I
felt a quantum shift in my being and in
the power flowing through my life. Since
then, I’ve given Oneness Deeksha to
over 2 thousand people right here in
India. The more I give, the stronger it
becomes. I wonder what will happen when
I get home.
There is just so much more to tell, but
this testimony would turn into a book:
the wonderful people I’ve met from all
over the world, our visit to the Oneness
Temple, meditations with the Cosmic
Beings, many special super-powerful
Oneness Deekshas, group Darshans with
Amma and Bhagavan, and Anandaloka 1
where I have been staying in a thatched
roof hut since the 21 Day Process ended
and where several times we have listened
to Bhagavan teach for hours. During the
last few weeks at Anandaloka 1, right
before our very eyes, Bhagavan has given
literally hundreds of indigenous Indian
people "Mukthi", the gift of Liberation
from the interference of the Mind and of
Awakening to Oneness. Jaya Bhagavan!
I am just so happy! So VERY VERY VERY
HAPPY! All I can say is: Thank you Amma
Bhagavan!!! Thank you for causeless
love, joy and peace! May my life be
poured out in service of the Divine!
For the rest of the story, click:
Deeper Into
Oneness:
My
Experience of the Advanced Deepening Course
Click here to
read Michael's profile:
Bio of Rev. Dr. Michael Milner, Ph.D.
To
learn more about Oneness Blessing (Oneness
Deeksha),
Click here
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